Going back to your 'old life'

I am so sorry about how long it has been since my last post! But I do have an excuse. I have spent the last week back at my university city, visiting friends and teachers. This was meant to be a way to see my friends who are back at uni, to talk to my teachers about the work that I have to hand in in January (when my leave of absence is over) and to start to integrate myself again in my old life.

And even though I came back on Sunday, I needed time to think about the experience.

I must admit that I had been very scared about going back. As much as I wanted to see my friends, I had not been at the university campus since March and I was scared about how stressful it was going to be. 

In these months I have developed this anxiety of being around a lot of young people. When I'm in the tram on my way to town and there are a lot of young people who go down at the same station as me, I just avoid the stairs that they are using and I use the other ones (they usually use the escalator, so I use the stairs). So when I arrived to university and it was FULL of young people wherever I went, you can imagine that my level of anxiety went up.

So yes, going back was definitely triggering. But at the same time I do feel like it was a necessary step. I am meant to be going back in January so at some point I had to start to make those small steps.

Something similar may have happened to some of you. Maybe in different contexts. But sometimes when you have had to leave your everyday life to get treatment, the prospect of going back can be very stressful.

As much as on the one hand you may want to retake your normal life again, you may have a certain fear about this. If it is not the case, then that is amazing and I am really glad that that is the case for you and that you have no issues with it.

But if you do feel stressed about the prospect, then I think that what I have done is a good idea. This time I have only gone for a week. I will be going back before January for another week more or less. Even though this may be triggering in a way, at the same time it did show me what scared me the most and what things I have to get ready for and work on.

January may come and I may still not be ready, that could happen. But I think that taking small steps before instead of going all of a sudden in January is a lot better. The shock that came from this visit was a shock that, after all, I spared myself from in January when I move back in.

Have you had any similar experiences?

What has helped you to adapt again to your "old life?