Christmas day

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY WONDERFUL READERS!

I hope that you all have an amazing time, wherever you are and whatever you are doing today. And I hope Santa treats you all well!

This is the time to try and forget all that worries us even if it is for a couple of days! But I know the holidays can also cause stress and be challenging, so make sure you check out the Section 'Surviving the holidays'

I will keep posting in this section because the holidays don't really end on Christmas Day. There is still all the way up to New Year's Eve and New Year.

So far you can find these posts helpful:

· Spending the holidays with family

· So much food (at Christmas dinner)

· Avoiding alcohol during the holidays

· Avoiding fights during Christmas

Also, because the holidays can be challenging, feel free to tweet me, or email me (newwingstofly@gmail.com) if you want to talk about anything!

As silly as you may find it, here is my favorite Christmas song! It makes me happy so I hope it makes you happy too!

Avoiding fights during Christmas - Surviving the holidays

Maybe you don't get along with someone who is going to the Christmas party (or any other party during these holidays). Or maybe people ask inappropriate questions. Or who knows, at family gatherings, someone can say something that makes you angry. So let's talk about how to handle anger and avoiding fights during these holidays.

You don't want fights during the holidays, because that would sort of ruin them. But all that time with all those family members you don't normally see could be the spark to a big fight. I guess people who struggle with anger issues (or BPD) can especially relate to this, but I think anyone can, really. So it's good to talk about ways to distance yourself from the situation so that you don't explode (or implode, either!).

image from Weheartit

If there is someone you dislike/can't stand or simply someone who says something inappropriate after one too many glasses of wine and makes you feel uncomfortable, feel free to leave the room. 

You don't need to get along with the person, you just need to tolerate their presence at the same party. But if you leave, anyone can think you're going to the restroom, or just want to do check something... you don't need to explain. Leave the room and if you feel a strong emotion (anger, frustration), sit down somewhere else and breathe calmly, counting to 10 breaths. 

If you still feel highly emotional after this, when you come back just go and sit somewhere else, talk to someone else. There are probably other people you do want to see, so stay focused on them.

If you think there's a risk of dysfunctional behavior if you leave by yourself, then ask someone you trust to go with you to another room and then do the breathing. You can explain this simply by saying you were told something you didn't like and just want to calm down. You really don't need to say anything else unless you want to!

I had a situation like this last night and I thought it was going to be problematic but it ended up being just fine! So if I could do it, you can do it too!

Also, Merry Christmas to everyone!

Alcohol in the holidays - Surviving the holidays

The Christmas holidays are a time when it is even more socially acceptable and encouraged to drink alcohol. May it be wine, champagne or any other alcohol, it seems like it is not only acceptable but almost expected that we drink. At Christmas dinner, New Year's Eve... it's very usual to see people toasting with alcohol. So how can you avoid alcohol in the holidays?

For whatever reason, you may not want to drink or even not be able to. Maybe you're on medication, or drinking then encourages you to pursue other impulsive behaviour... (or you may just not want to). Whatever it is, this time of the year seems like the time when we need to reject alcohol the most.

Your family and friends may or may not know but other people may still offer you drinks. 

If you are concerned about people insisting during the Christmas dinner or another specific even, you may want to look for an ally. In my case it will be my mother. She knows I can't drink alcohol. So if my family keeps insisting on me drinking (which they usually do), she will help me. Some of you may not have an issue saying no as many times as you have to, but for others it may be stressful (or you may even actually want alcohol, but you just really shouldn't - I include myself in this category).

So if you can plan ahead for specific events and find someone who will help you, at least that would partly lower the stress. 

At the same time, you can ask a parent to tell to the rest of the family to not offer you alcohol at all beforehand, if you are very stressed about this it can be a good option!

Here you can find more ways to avoid alcohol in social situations.

So much food! (Christmas dinner) Surviving the holidays

One of the most popular and common things during the holidays is to have a lot of food, especially sweets, but a bit of everything really. So a big issue for those of us who struggle with eating disorders is: how do you overcome the stress that comes with a situation when there is a lot of food?

I'm not sure of how it works in every country, but in Spain generally in the Christmas dinner there are a lot of central plates with food and people just take what they want. Whether it works this way (or doesn't) where you are from: make sure you are the one putting food on your own plate.

Don't start picking food from one plate and another because then you'll have no control over how much you eat and there are bigger chances that you either stress out and don't eat enough, or that you later feel like you have eaten too much and that makes you feel guilty. Even if you haven't actually eaten 'too much', it's easier to feel that way if you are picking food from other plates.

So make sure you serve your own plate and that you are okay with the amounts in it. This will help you keep track of how much you're eating and you'll be a lot less likely to feel like you have overeaten. 

Obviously, you can get a second plate if you are still hungry, or for desserts etc. But make sure you are also serving that plate.

Surviving the holidays - Spending the holiday with family

This is the first post in a series of posts about how to 'survive' these holidays.

Even though the holidays are meant to be a happy time to spend with our loved ones, many of us find them challenging as well. It can bring anxiety and other unwanted emotions, so these blogposts are to ensure that your holidays can pass as smoothly as possible!

This post will be about: 

Spending the holiday with family

Your family may or may not know about your mental health issues. A lot of us spend the holidays with our families, and there are some members of our family that we see less often than others. So questions regarding you, your current situation and possibly your mental health could be asked.

One of the main things that I recommend is to think about it before. If someone asks you what you're currently doing or if something is wrong, you could easily go blank from anxiety and not know what to reply. So something that I have found helpful is to prepare beforehand what you are going to say to people.

You may want to check out the post of 'What to say if you're not ready to tell people', since it contains advice on what to say if you're not ready to talk about your mental health.

Once you know more or less what you want to tell people, it will be a lot easier when they ask you since you will be prepared.

If your family tends to worry about you and you don't want all the attention focused on you (and think that this may be an issue), you can also think beforehand about some topics of conversation to try to change the subject and redirect the conversation towards something else.

The purpose of this series of post is to make them short and easy to read to be as helpful as possible. I will be posting them at least twice a week, so make sure to keep an eye out!