My first VLOG! (mental health at school or uni)

Here is my first VLOG ever. In it, I give advice on having mental health issues at school or university from my own experience. It complements the post on Being at school or university with depression and anxiety, giving some new tips. Make sure to check out the blog post for other information as well.

So.... here it goes!

End of year survey and Mailing list!

Please take a minute to complete the end of year survey. This is a chance to tell me what works and what doesn't on the blog and what you would like to read more about. I'd love some feedback from all of you guys. It's only 9 easy questions (only 2 of them are compulsory), so please make sure to check it out so I can make this blog a space all of you will enjoy even more next year!

I'm also starting a mailing list. You will only receive a newsletter twice a month telling you about the posts you have missed and other relevant information. So make sure you join it! (I promise there will be no spam or any of that shit).

Keep an eye out because later today I will post my views on how 2014 went and it will be my most important post so far!

Surviving the holidays - Spending the holiday with family

This is the first post in a series of posts about how to 'survive' these holidays.

Even though the holidays are meant to be a happy time to spend with our loved ones, many of us find them challenging as well. It can bring anxiety and other unwanted emotions, so these blogposts are to ensure that your holidays can pass as smoothly as possible!

This post will be about: 

Spending the holiday with family

Your family may or may not know about your mental health issues. A lot of us spend the holidays with our families, and there are some members of our family that we see less often than others. So questions regarding you, your current situation and possibly your mental health could be asked.

One of the main things that I recommend is to think about it before. If someone asks you what you're currently doing or if something is wrong, you could easily go blank from anxiety and not know what to reply. So something that I have found helpful is to prepare beforehand what you are going to say to people.

You may want to check out the post of 'What to say if you're not ready to tell people', since it contains advice on what to say if you're not ready to talk about your mental health.

Once you know more or less what you want to tell people, it will be a lot easier when they ask you since you will be prepared.

If your family tends to worry about you and you don't want all the attention focused on you (and think that this may be an issue), you can also think beforehand about some topics of conversation to try to change the subject and redirect the conversation towards something else.

The purpose of this series of post is to make them short and easy to read to be as helpful as possible. I will be posting them at least twice a week, so make sure to keep an eye out!

Alternatives to self-harm

Those who self-harm use it as a coping mechanism, but it does not only reinforce the previous problems you had and tried to escape by self-harming, it also creates a problem of its own. And it is very hard to stop. Self-harm is a very serious problem so if you do, I very strongly recommend that you see a therapist. 

So here are some things on what you can do when you get the urge of self-harming, instead of actually doing it. These are some healthy alternatives that have worked for me.

· Call a friend and talk about something else

· If you're somewhere where there's someone else, go talk to that person about whatever

· Talk to someone about how you feel

· Write down how you feel

· Paint

· Watch a TV series or movie that will keep you distracted

· Go do sports if you have the energy (the endorphins will help you feel better)

· Have a bubble bath

· If something specific is triggering you - distract yourself from it (Like for example if a certain conversation is making you feel very triggered, then ask the people to talk about something else, or distract yourself by doing something else. This is not 'escaping' the situation, it is distancing yourself from a situation that is making you feel bad enough to make you feel like self-harming. Distancing yourself or distracting yourself from a situation that makes you feel bad is a healthy coping mechanism.)

· Go see a family member or friend that you like spending time with

Make sure you also visit the link: Distractions from depression to find other ways to distract yourself, such as the post on Reading as a distraction from depression.

Obviously feel free to add your own in the comments, there will be different useful alternatives for each person depending on what you like to do and what distracts you.

Feel free to send an email to newwingstofly@gmail.com

or tweet to http://www.twitter.com/newwingstofly

World Suicide Prevention Day - What to do if someone tells you they suffer from depression

Well, well, well.

I've been waiting for ages to write this post.

Because, for those of you who may not know it, today 10th of September is WSPD or World Suicide Prevention Day.

Not long ago, the death of Robin Williams raised the issue of suicide, as it happens every once in a while. But it seems like the subject keeps getting forgotten a while after a celebrity has died. However, the statistics are horrifying. Every 40 seconds, a person dies of suicide.

As a sufferer of depression myself, suicide is a subject that matters deeply to me, as I know just how dark someone's thoughts can get. It can be hard for some people to understand what would lead others to even consider suicide as an option. Many times the stigma that exists around mental health stops people from speaking out and seeking the help they need, therefore leaving them hopeless and feeling like that might be the only way out, when really it is not.

If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation, then click here to get to the page of Need urgent help to seek immediate help.

One way in which you can help to make the suicide rate lower is by making those around you feel safe, by being open and understanding if someone shares with you that they are struggling with a mental health issue.

What can you do if someone tells you they are struggling with depression?

· Be understanding 

I know, I know, it sounds obvious. But it was necessary to say it. The person may tell you it's depression, or they may say some other mental health issue, maybe even one you have never heard about. Don't tell them they are making it up. Just because a mental illness can't be seen, it's not less real than any other illness.

· Don't say things such as "You're just too sensitive", "This is just a phase", "Everyone goes through this" or "Cheer up!"

While you're probably just trying to help out and show empathy, the person can feel like your "minimizing" their problems. Those struggling with depression are going through hell in their minds, they don't want anyone to tell them that it is not such a big deal, because they will just feel like they are not being understood and like you are trying to make their problems less important (and they may not want to talk about it to you anymore, which is not what we want here!). And "cheer up", ugh, just don't. Please, don't. Someone dealing with depression didn't choose to be depressed and would do anything to be happy again. So telling a depressed person to cheer up almost sounds like accusing them of having chosen to live life that way as if they could just cheer up whenever they wanted to, because then they wouldn't just have done it before you told them, that idea just never came to their minds!

· Listen!

Listen, listen, listen. Encourage them to talk. And listen. I can't say this enough times. But the person may need someone to talk to and being there for them is always of great help.

· Don't push them to talk too much

Oops, did I say listen too many times? (Probably not). BUT If they have told you something but they don't want to share any more details, don't push them too much as they may feel like they don't want to talk anymore.

· Offer your help

Honestly, if they are struggling with depression there is not much you can do for them besides being there and being ready to talk and listen whenever they need to. But if you offer your help and let them know that you are ready to listen to more whenever they feel ready to tell you, they will probably be extremely thankful.

· Keep in touch

Even if they are not contacting you after that, send them messages or call them after that to check on them and ask them to meet. People dealing with depression are more withdrawn and have more trouble in doing everyday things such as replying to messages, or might be scared of how you reacted. So calling them and asking them to meet up might be a great way to make them feel better and also to check up on them.

· Be patient

· Be there

You don't need to physically be there all the time, just show them that you are available to talk, etc.

· Don't judge them

Someone struggling with depression may have developed some unhealthy habits to cope with their emotions such as alcohol or substance abuse or self harm. You can express your concern about this kind of behavior, but it is something that they probably feel like it escapes their control. It can be hard to understand it (issues as self harm) from the outside, but even if you can't understand it you have to try and not be judgmental. This doesn't mean go on and encourage them to pursue this behavior since it is detrimental for their health, only makes depression worse and can create separate separate problems of their own but don't judge them for having done it.

· Encourage them to go to therapy if they don't yet

This is a very important point. If they have told you they suffer from depression but are not going to therapy it might be because they are scared of being judged etc. Or they may just need more encouragement. You can offer them to go with them to the therapist and wait for them outside.

· Do some research

If you don't know much about mental health, research a bit to know more about the symptoms of depression etc to be able to understand better the behavior of the person.

· If you have noticed changes that alarm you, contact someone

You may have noticed recent changes on the person that have alarmed you, like seeing them more withdrawn or a lot more tired, or their conversation revolving around death.

You can read other alarming symptoms at the Samaritans page, clicking here.

If you are a friend and know the parents, you could tell the parents if you know that they are open about mental health. Other useful contacts are:

The Samaritans if you are int the UK: 08457909090

Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you are in the USA: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

You can call them and tell them that you are worried about someone else and they will provide useful information.

· Look out for yourself

If you have a relationship with a person struggling with depression, whether it is family, friendship or the love kind, at some point it can become exhausting for you too. You need to make sure that you don't get dragged into the depression cycle and that you look out for yourself and your health. This will help you stay healthy and keep helping the person and also assure them that you're not going to leave them because you are tired of the situation. So make sure you have the space you need and some time for yourself.

What to say if you're not ready to tell people

As I have said many times, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. However, it is understandable that you may not feel ready to tell people just yet. 

You might want to tell some people but you might not want to tell others. It has to be your choice. You are the one who has to decide who you want to tell. At the beginning, when you have only just been diagnosed and you are still a bit overwhelmed by everything that’s going on and trying to face it yourself, it’s easy to get convinced by your parents, for example, to not tell the family, especially if you’re still living with your parents. As you can read in my first post, that was my case. This is probably not done out of bad intent, but just as a way to try and protect you. However, once you grow stronger in yourself and start to accept what’s going on, you have to realise that it is no one else’s choice to make. As I started to think, and my therapist then told me, it is each person’s own personal choice to decide what they are going to tell the people who surround them. Your parents may advise you, but in the end it is your choice, and if they are not happy about it, you can always ask your therapist to talk to them to make them understand that this is about you.

Try not to lie. This has come up in group therapy and although I hadn’t thought about it before, when the therapist explained it, I realised how important it actually was. I didn’t really lie because I don’t like lying.

1. You can tell a half-truth: for example. I was studying in another country and when my family asked me what I was doing back home I told them there were no more classes at university since people were doing their dissertations. This was actually true. What I was not telling them was that I was on a leave of absence from university anyway. (I guess this is best for people you don’t really care about or for family members who are too old to understand or ill etc…)
2. You can tell them that you’re not ready to talk about it if they ask you something. The therapist put a lot of emphasis in this option. You might think, like I did, that it is not a very social acceptable thing to say ‘I’d rather not talk about it right now’. However, if those people care about you and are discrete, they might not push further. If they do and you’re still not ready to talk, you can always go to option 1.