Avoiding fights during Christmas - Surviving the holidays

Maybe you don't get along with someone who is going to the Christmas party (or any other party during these holidays). Or maybe people ask inappropriate questions. Or who knows, at family gatherings, someone can say something that makes you angry. So let's talk about how to handle anger and avoiding fights during these holidays.

You don't want fights during the holidays, because that would sort of ruin them. But all that time with all those family members you don't normally see could be the spark to a big fight. I guess people who struggle with anger issues (or BPD) can especially relate to this, but I think anyone can, really. So it's good to talk about ways to distance yourself from the situation so that you don't explode (or implode, either!).

image from Weheartit

If there is someone you dislike/can't stand or simply someone who says something inappropriate after one too many glasses of wine and makes you feel uncomfortable, feel free to leave the room. 

You don't need to get along with the person, you just need to tolerate their presence at the same party. But if you leave, anyone can think you're going to the restroom, or just want to do check something... you don't need to explain. Leave the room and if you feel a strong emotion (anger, frustration), sit down somewhere else and breathe calmly, counting to 10 breaths. 

If you still feel highly emotional after this, when you come back just go and sit somewhere else, talk to someone else. There are probably other people you do want to see, so stay focused on them.

If you think there's a risk of dysfunctional behavior if you leave by yourself, then ask someone you trust to go with you to another room and then do the breathing. You can explain this simply by saying you were told something you didn't like and just want to calm down. You really don't need to say anything else unless you want to!

I had a situation like this last night and I thought it was going to be problematic but it ended up being just fine! So if I could do it, you can do it too!

Also, Merry Christmas to everyone!

How to reject alcohol in social situations

Alcohol is a drug, but it is a very socially accepted one. So much so, that it is even considered strange not to drink in some social contexts. However, you may not want to drink. If you are struggling with depression or other mental health issues and know that alcohol can lead you to dysfunctional behavior, you want to stay as far away from it as possible. And if you are on antidepressants, you shouldn't be drinking alcohol either, as I explained on my previous post.
However, this doesn't mean that you can't go out, or that you have to avoid any social situation that includes alcohol. Especially if you have isolated yourself in the past, you want to start to attend social events again.
But people can be pushy with the subject of alcohol, and they may not just ask if you want to drink, but try to encourage you to drink. This sucks, I know, especially when you actually kind of want to accept and are only rejecting it because you know that it's bad for you but there is a part of you that wants to say yes.

Here are some tips and tricks not to succumb to peer pressure. It will also be helpful to keep some of this info in mind in order to not get upset.

When people offer you a drink and you refuse, they are likely to keep offering. Don't get annoyed, they are probably not doing it with bad intention even if their insistence makes you feel bad. They may have good intentions and simply be trying to get you to 'have a good time'. It is commonly assumed that that's alcohol's purpose. And most people don't see that for some people alcohol can just be either plain uninteresting or actually pretty damaging.
What you probably want to do when someone insists over and over again is something along these lines:

But that's why I'm writing this post, to offer you other solutions.

Bringing someone along who knows you're not drinking. If you have a mental health issue, having someone at the party/social event who knows about your issues and who knows that you can't drink is a really good idea. That way, if people keep offering you drinks, you will not be on your own rejecting them, you will have someone by your side offering you their strength and maybe even pushing those people away (even if that friend is drinking too).

If you bring a friend who doesn't drink either, then even better, since it will be 2 of you not drinking and things will become much easier because your friend's behavior will encourage yours and the same the other way around!

You can say that you have a New Year's resolution not to drink. People are more likely to stop offering you drinks if that's the case. 

If they have seen you drinking earlier the same year, you can do a version of the previous one which is to say that you have stopped drinking for a while to be healthy. And it is the truth!

I'm not a fan of lies. I actually hate them. But if you're getting stressed out from being pressured to drink, I think that's a fair enough reason to blurt out an innocent lie such as claiming to be on antibiotics. It will not work on a long term basis, but if it is for a one-off that you're going out or once that people are especially annoying, you may just choose to use it.

If your problem is that you actually want to drink but you know that you shouldn't and you don't know whether or not you'll be able to control yourself, you can just take the necessary amount of money for the transport back (or in case you'll need a taxi back or whatever), and leave the rest home. Or give your money to a friend that you trust. I know that when I take more money than I need out, sometimes I think "I may just as well buy alcohol" when I'm caught in the moment. So, lately I tend to take a lot less. Only the amount for a few soft drinks and what a taxi would cost in case I'll be too stressed to drive back or whatever.

If there are some people that when you meet up with them they always get drunk, and they keep insisting on you drinking despite you repeatedly saying no... You might want to reconsider whether it is good to keep hanging out with those people, at least for the moment. I'm not saying, go on and break a friendship just because your friends like to drink. I'm only saying that if your relationship consists solely on meeting up to drink and you can't drink (or shouldn't or don't want to) then maybe they are not the right people for you to hang out with at the moment.

Also, I want to emphasize that I wrote this post because I don't want you to have to stop going out just because you can't drink. You should do the things that you like, because in order to get better from depression, you should do the things that you like to do and do as much of them as you can. But I am not saying either that going out is necessary if that is not your thing. 

I hope this was helpful!

I'll confess: I tried doing a vlog about this but I'm so bad at it... and I was gonna post it anyway but then I found out the sound and the video weren't on sinc... -.- so yes, I'll try next time.

How to improve your sleep

A lot of people have trouble sleeping. But when you're anxious or going through a stressful time, it can be even harder to sleep. Spending hours in bed trying to sleep is not only uncomfortable and boring but it can also bring you a lot more anxiety since you may be having negative thoughts that you can't fight with anything since you have nothing to distract yourself with. It is typical to get anxious in that time you are not able to sleep. And it is also typical to develop anxiety to the time previous to sleeping time, when sleeping time begins to approach and you start to think in anticipation how you're not going to be able to sleep and all those negative thoughts and all that anxiety is going to crawl inside your head.

I remember spending as much as 5 hours in bed just trying to sleep, not doing anything else, and not being able to. So when this had happened a few times, I dreaded the time of going to sleep so I started to postpone it as much as I could. But in that time that I was postponing it, I started to feel anxious.

Improving your sleep is an essential step in order to improve your lifestyle. It's simple: if you're tired all day you can't be as functional as you would be otherwise. You can't concentrate as much, or enjoy things as much, or have energy enough to do the things you may want to do (or have to do). So sleeping is one of your main priorities.

So what can be done in order to sleep when you cannot sleep?

· Have a sleep routine

This is probably the most important point. If you didn't manage to get sleep until very late, you may feel tempted to stay in bed until quite late to make up for that (I know that I did, some days I would wake up at 1pm or 2pm). But that way you're not helping to stop having sleeping problems. You have to set a time at which you will go to bed and a time to wake up. Even if you don't manage to sleep all those hours, get up at the time you had set, don't stay in bed for longer. And next day, try the same thing. And keep on doing this day after day.

You should keep on going even when you have no trouble sleeping in order to not have issues with your sleep again. In the long term, it works really well and it is the one that has helped me the most!

· Do something boring before sleeping

Reading is good, however reading a very exciting book can make you not want to stop reading or keep thinking about it once you have closed it. Reading something a bit more boring is probably a better idea if you're struggling with sleeping issues.

· Stop studying at least 1 hour before going to bed

Maybe in exam period this is a hard one, but try to stop studying a while before going to bed.

· Create a comfortable sleeping atmosphere

Your pajamas, your bed etc must be something your brain associates with sleep. So try to avoid spending a lot of time during the day on your pajamas or in your bed watching TV etc.

· Do some relaxation exercises

Don't think about sleep or about what you'll have to do tomorrow because that will only make you more anxious.

Concentrate on your breathing, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, and focus on how the air comes in and out.

· If you wake up halfway through the night and you can't sleep leave your room and do something boring

As the point above said, you must associate certain things with sleep. And in order to avoid associating your room and your bed with the anxiety of being unable to sleep, if you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't sleep, leave your room for a while and do something boring until you get sleepy, and then try the steps again.

· Avoid long naps

Naps may help you feel less tired throughout the day, but if you have trouble sleeping at night, they will make it even more difficult. So part of creating a sleep routine means avoiding sleeping at other times. If you feel like you really need a nap, you shouldn't nap for longer than 45 minutes.

What has helped you sleep better?

Share in the comments

And twitter http://www.twitter.com/newwingstofly

Distractions from depression

As promised, here is a list of some distractions from depression that I find useful. 

They are listed in no particular order.

• Do not isolate yourself (even if you don't feel like meeting up with people, make the effort. It will eventually become easier the more you do it)
• Do not stay in all day. Get out of the house. If you can't get to meet up with people, then go out by yourself. It doesn't matter where, go for a walk. Just make sure you don't stay in your house all day.
• Exercise. You don't need to run a marathon. Even just walking will help you, but make sure you do move.
• Stay in touch with the people that you care about. You may not feel like communicating much with the rest of the world at the moment, but make the effort to call them or even just send them an email, just make sure you keep in touch.
• Try to meet up with someone you care about and who cares about you. Seeing them will help you feel better and will help you keep your interpersonal relationships.
• To the extent that you can, keep your house (and/or room) clean and tidy [I'm not good at this]
• Take care of your appearance - make sure you have showers, still use the perfume you like, use nice clothes (meaning clothes you thought were nice before you were depressed, I don't mean expensive clothes), brush your hair, and try to make yourself look nice. By looking better it will help you feel better.
• Treat yourself. Take the time to do things you generally don't have time to do: have a long bubble bath, cook something nice....
• Do manual things: making bracelets, painting, coloring mandalas and other DIY stuff will help you keep your mind off the things that trouble you.
• Write down what you are feeling to bring it out of your system.
• Watch a funny film or TV series (or if you don't like comedy, one that you enjoy and is not triggering).
• Meditation and Mindfulness can also be very helpful.

Check the post on healthy alternatives to self-harm.

In our Pinterest you can find cool and fun DIY things to do to keep your mind off so make sure you check it out.

Sigue el tablero Positive distractions de May and Hya en Pinterest. 

You can also have a look at the mandalas and even print those that you like and color them.

  Sigue el tablero Mandalas de May and Hya en Pinterest.

Check our Distractions from depression playlist. It includes the idea of the Crisis box and some meditation. 

After watching many many videos I have chosen these ones according to my own personal criteria. However, I have not watched any other videos from these youtubers so I don't know how their other stuff is and whether or not it is recommendable.

What keeps you distracted from depression?

Share it in the comments.