I know I keep saying I'm not going to stay away as long as I did the previous time.
Let me tell you briefly what has been going on.
This past month seems like a downwards spiral in my memory. I'd relapsed from self-harm a couple of months back and I was still not able to control it. Three weeks ago, my therapist sent me to the hospital because she thought my wounds needed medical assistance and recommended my stay in the psych ward. I did not want to stay there and the psychiatrist at the hospital said I was fine to go under surveillance.
However, last week I was focused on my suicidal thoughts and ideation. I had planned everything to the detail, purchased what I needed etc. (I hadn't shared this with anybody)
My parents took me to a new psychiatrist who was going to put me on some new medication and talking to him I saw a ray of hope again. I had not thought I'd tell him about my suicidal ideas, but eventually I did mention them. He said he couldn't let me go like that but I managed to convince him to let me go, promising I would talk to my therapist since I had her later during the day.
It was really hard but I admitted my ideas to my therapist and she recommended I enter the psych ward immediately. So that's what I did.
And that's where I have been the last week. I didn't have internet, or a phone, my visits were very restricted. I'll tell you more about it at a later stage.
I have a massive headache and I'm very tired (but my mom says it's not time to sleep!) But I wanted to update the blog because I want to do it more often. I wrote half a blogpost last week but in the end I didn't post it.
I've been very low on motivation and confidence, so please forgive me.
I feel much better now and to be honest the psych ward has not been as bad as I thought it would be, it has actually been an experience and I have made friends over there.
If you're feeling suicidal, please tell someone.
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